Canned Combat, Feb 10, 2010: The Hustle

Onyx was unchallenged yesterday and wrote about being the dupe: duped by hustle. In the spirit of survival of the fittest, today's topic is 'The Hustle.' Have you Hustled anyone? I'll tell you a story to get you in the mood:

Years ago, I used to play about a dozen games of chess a day. I was probably the worst of the best players in SF, because the only places I would lose a pick-up game were 5th and Powell (home to the street-hustler) and the Mechanic's Library (home to the grandmaster). In the days before I had a profession, I worked temp-jobs. Well, one day, I needed a tie for the job and I didn't have one and didn't have the cash to get one. I had 5 bux and that usually bought a cheap tie at the dry-cleaning shops along market, but I guess I hadn't been there for a while, because it was $8. So I walked to 5th and Powell, watched the players, saw a drunk Russian and decided he was my mark. I waited for him to finish his half-pint of morning vodka (7:25am or so) and challenged him. He laughed at this nothingmaster with a cheap white shirt and plastic shoes. Aha! But this nothingmaster took his bux playing 'The Elephant' (pawn wall variant--very tricky because of the tempos involved) on his Sicilian and before his buddies could complain (5th and Powell's denizens are more like Hep C B-side gangsters than hold a gat sideways and pop a bitch gangsters, knowwatimsayin?) I ran across the street, got my tie, and headed over to the Moscone Center for some delicious, $25/hr (in 1999 $) temp money.

It's my favorite ploy: be so ridiculous that my foe doesn't take me seriously until it's too late.

What's your favorite hustle?

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Combat Prose for Feb 9, 2010

Are you too trusting? I am. When the dupe is you, how do you handle it?

I'll keep issuing topics until I see some traction here.

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Canned Combat, Feb 9, 2010

It's early, but here's today's canned combat:

-trochaic quadrameter
-any rhyme scheme, but no blank verse
-Any ol' topic. Let's see you folks warm up.

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Canned Topic, Feb 8, 2010

Write about someone who died with poignant compassion. I'll start.

I wrote a nasty, backhanded comment on a former colleague's obit website. She lied, cheated and stole, but she did it with the sad innocence of the fat girl who has to go home to an abusive household every day. If she didn't destroy so many people in the name of greed, I wouldn't have said anything. Instead, I said that people who knew her would never forget her. People who don't know me well thought it was such a warmhearted thing to say. Someone who knows me very well called me to say I'm a total bastard--while laughing. That was a strange phone-call. "The only winner here is her widower." "You're terrible. She has a three year old son." "Come on, it's not like the kid's nanny died." "'They'll never forget her!' I can't believe you wrote that!" "Everybody is talking about how tragic this is for the kid. What about the kids of all those people she ruined?" "..." "Yeah! That's right, you don't see them learning to crawl around our office." "Stop it. I feel guilty for laughing."

People I knew started dying after that. God's a fucking joker like that. The first grown-up death's funny; know what I mean? She drank herself to death at the age of 37, hardee har, har. Well, I just finished assembling God's secret code from stray letters in the National Enquirer and he assures me every and all future deaths I encounter will be just as funny to someone who hates the people I love, as I found my ex-colleague's to be.

--

Come on, prose isn't even my thing. Someone should be able to stomp this piece. Let's see what you've got?

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Canned Topic

A specific type of idiot. Just someone you can't stand. But let's see if you get anywhere with the verse: can you do more than obsess over the thing you hate? I'm not going to write verse here: you know I can do it. I want to see if you can do it.

You're not going to get stronger by being chicken. Let's see some kombat!

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Feb 7, 2010 CombatVerse!

Whose cuisine shall reign supreme?

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The Rules for CombatVerse!

1) Challenger picks time and tempo between posts.
2) Defender gets to pick meter and topic.
3) Challenger must then copy meter and stay on topic.
4) Scoring:
a) Points:
i) If there's meter, each time the meter is off, -1. Someone who completely ruins a line of scanning could lose -10 if she or he ruined all 10 beats.
ii) Every off-topic sentence, line, clause, or other unit of thought loses a point.
b) Gambits: Introduced conceits, symbols, narratives and turns of phrase are the only ones I can think of now. Each gambit is worth 10 points.
c) Audience: Audience members can use a single vote to add or subtract a point from a poem. This helps mitigate the objective metrics used for the game.
5) Time: Compositions are due at time. There is a 1 point deduction per minute the composition is late.

Not only is this a fun game that we used to play informally on craigslist litfo, but it will sharpen your chops too. Have fun!

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Feb 7, 2010 CombatProseThread

Go for it. Month's winner will get a cash prize if it's legal and feasible.

I'm not sure you have to register to play actually. I think you can just do it anon.

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The Rules for CombatProse!

King of the Hill rules. Best writer gets the most unique nods by separate handles, which is why you must register for CombatProse! I think I'll issue an award to the month's winner. Previous day's champion is the next day's champion by default. Votes only count the day of the competition. I am in the early stages of the logistics on this, but I think this is promising. If there is a question of sockpuppetry, I'll have both parties contact me at the same time in such a manner I can ensure they're separate individuals.

Time stamps are important here. Also, this isn't craigslist or any other forum. You can not just gloat or cry, but win or lose.

Round 1, FIGHT!

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