I wrote comments at this horrible site yesterday and the dude chickened-out. Yet, the jackass promotes his site on alphainventions. This is exactly the kind of asinine crap I envisioned battling w/ combatwords. Well if chickenmeister is going to hide the comments on his blog, I'm just going to have to post them here, so everybody can see how chicken he is.
He wants an audience, so he treasures his honor, but he won't fight for it? Cannedcombat should do one on empty vanity next. Anyhow, here's the thread:
"9 Responses to “Moments”
1.
Lily Saurez Says:
March 24, 2010 at 7:39 pm
I really enjoyed this. Thank you.
-LS
http://lilysaurez.wordpress.com
Reply
*
Justin Says:
March 24, 2010 at 7:41 pm
The pleasure is all mine :)
Thank you for reading!
Reply
2.
william Says:
March 24, 2010 at 8:37 pm
howdy Justin william here from the rally, loved this, u are a good writer, please pop over and read one of mine, hope to become friends :)
Reply
*
Justin Says:
March 24, 2010 at 8:40 pm
Thank you very much, William :)
Your kind words mean a great deal to me.
I’ll surely be reading your work, post haste ^_^
Reply
3.
Thursday Poets’ Rally Week 11 (March 24-30, 2010) « Jingle Says:
March 24, 2010 at 9:23 pm
[...] http://jmblackstock.wordpress.com/2010/03/24/moments/ [...]
Reply
4.
Khakjaan Wessington Says: Your comment is awaiting moderation.
March 25, 2010 at 2:27 am
Repeats itself again and again. What’s the point? You’ve committed a felony against the muses.
Reply
5.
Khakjaan Wessington Says: Your comment is awaiting moderation.
March 25, 2010 at 2:29 am
And are you going to be chicken and delete that comment? I think if you want to defend your ‘honor’ you should draw your keyboard and meet me at dawn. Combatwords.blogspot.com would be an obvious choice, but if you’re afraid to duel in a place that allows backlinks, I understand. Cowardice is a common trait.
Reply
6.
suzicate Says:
March 25, 2010 at 6:30 am
“just time enough to breath:
: – my favorite line. This is a beautiful poem. I like it a lot.
Reply
7.
mairmusic Says:
March 25, 2010 at 7:24 am
Your words have a sense of urgency yet pulling back– perfect for conveying this feeling. And we do all feel like this; writing is such a help.
Reply
8.
justmeshakira Says:
March 25, 2010 at 7:47 am
I really enjoyed this , excellent poem, love your moments, so tender and lingering. hugs, shakira
Reply
9.
dustus Says:
March 25, 2010 at 7:47 am
Enjoyed, especially…
“For one brief moment
Let me stop all of it
Let me put it aside and
Try to remember how to smile”
Definitely can relate to this poem. Nice work
Reply
10.
Khakjaan Wessington Says: Your comment is awaiting moderation.
March 25, 2010 at 4:22 pm
Someone’s chicken! I knew it. Couldn’t take the truth?
Repeat: you repeat yourself (heh) and end in the same place you started. Each stanza is anchored with a cliche or just redundant. Oh, you think you’re so clever in ’stretching out the moment’ when all you do is add static to the poetic discourse.
CC: Combatwords : Challenge: rewrite this horrible poem. Try to stay as ‘true’ to the intention of the ‘poet’ as possible. Try to only use the vocab that appears in the poem.
ps: I saw you checked out toylit–what, afraid to throw down? You want to promote via alphainventions, but you don’t want the negative attention?
Reply"
Subscribe in a reader
Are you always so nice to people you just meet?
ReplyDeleteI didn't respond to your first comment because I was headed out the door for work. Seeing as you felt the need to bombard me with this blog and the follow up comment, I see that, if you have a job, it isn't a demanding one.
Your first comment offered no constructive criticism. Just an opinion and an over used cliche. If I have committed any 'felonies' against any 'muses' you would certainly not be the one to enforce any sort of punishment. I don't see you as their 'right-hand man,' so to speak.
Your second comment, albeit just as rude, at least had helpful advice. Yes, I did repeat myself. There is a point. It's called emphasis. Being orphaned at seventeen warrants me to wish for a moment of clarity. A moment where I don't have to worry about anything. I don't have these moments. So I wrote about it. I wrote about something that means something to me. If you don't like my writing, it is your choice not to read it. You don't have to go around antagonizing complete strangers for just wanting to be read.
Lastly, I did read some of your writing. You have an excellent vocabulary but most of it was very 'sing song.' Trying for the rhyme dilutes your articulation. You have it in your head that there are laws that one must abide by to be a poet and you think you know everything. From what I can gather, it's all a bunch of adolescent rantings about the institution made heavier by a nice vocabulary.
Is this honourable enough for you?
Get bent and find a life.
Oh, and just to show that I'm a 'good sport', here's your goddamn rewrite. Although, something tells me you won't have anything pleasant to respond with.
ReplyDeleteMoments (Jihad Rewrite):
Oh, to be able to stop
Just for one brief moment
To enjoy a bit of silence
To breathe calmer air
I long to put away the every day
So I might remember how to grin
Just a single second, I ask,
That will be over far too fast
If only I could treasure
A mere minute of peace
Yet, I am always reminded
Of how futile it seems
To want a precious moment
That is only going to die
Leave me cold and wanting
In the place where we began
So why should I want anything
If it all will fade away?
Perhaps to cherish something
Before my time of dying
"For he is an orphan boy!"
ReplyDelete"He is! Hurrah for the orphan boy!"
"And it sometimes is a useful thing
To be an orphan boy."
"It is! Hurrah for the orphan boy!
Hurrah for the orphan boy!"
I think it's shameful that it took you a whole hour to baww in such a format. This victimhood pretense only pollutes the discourse. And let me be clear: you trivialized my vocation long before I trivialized your awful verse. There's a reason Nathaniel Hawthorne hid in a cabin for years before he showed anyone his writing. You want the glory, but you don't want to put any effort into it. And when someone rightly points out the weaknesses in your supposed 'verse' you get hysterical. Well, that is one of my missions in life: to shout back at all the hysterical poets, 'yes! The critics are right. You really do suck.'
1) Your expectation of constructive criticism is as unrealistic as my expectation that verse ought to be good.
2) Therefore, when I spend the time reading what you wrote (on an interactive format like the web), you had better expect a response once in a while.
3) You, being unaware of this basic equation, have no right to demand help. Help yourself. Study. Learn the basic skills, like scanning (look it up) and how to have a point.
This is your poem:
Moments
Please just one moment
To let me catch my breath
Before we begin and
Are on the move again
One fleeting moment
That will be gone so soon
Where everything is calm
Please permit me just
One peaceful moment
In which there is no sound
Just time enough to breathe
And put away the routine
For one brief moment
Let me stop all of it
Let me put it aside and
Try to remember how to smile
Of course when it is time
The moment will die
Thrusting me back into
The trials of the real life
At least I have those moments
To distract me from my woes
Long enough for me to
Appreciate the life that I know
Now, sans cliche and repetition:
Please just one moment
To let me catch my breath
Before we begin and
Are on the move again
Of course when it is time
The moment will die
Thrusting me back into
The trials of the real life
At least I have those moments
To distract me from my woes
Long enough for me to
Appreciate the life that I know
Your poem has three thoughts: 1) 'whoa nelly,' 2) Moments end (lol!) 3) Poor me.
So, I propose:
Whoa nelly.
Moments end.
Poor bitch-me.
Well, I'm glad that you have me all figured out. Thanks for the tips.
ReplyDeleteIncantation:
ReplyDeleteIn service of loftier battles
This thread ought attract snakes and rattles.
The young ones are eaten:
In battle they're beaten.
To God and to mommy they tattle.
Posted thread here: http://jingleyanqiu.wordpress.com/2010/03/17/thursday-poets-rally-week-10-march-18-march-24-2010/#comment-5890
ReplyDelete"You are promoting quantity of poetry. Is anyone promoting quality of verse? Yes. Here: http://combatwords.blogspot.com
In a world of terrible poets who don't care about scanning, movement of thought, or really any concerns the reader might have (verse is a transaction, see my essay here: http://toylit.blogspot.com/2010/03/stop-poisoning-readership.html ). It is time to stand up to the poor poets of the world. Therefore, if you care about verse as much as you say you do, then let this comment post and let's see what the readers think..."
[Above thread posted]
Why are you using the word JIHAD? Are you a MUSLIM? STOP USING THE WORD JIHAD.
ReplyDeleteSh@KiR@ CK: Jihad specialist or connoisseur? Inquiring minds want to know.
ReplyDeleteYour comments (all of them) and mine have been posted. It was never because they were negative comments. It was merely because I couldn't see past the brazen nature of your challenge to see the criticism. My conduct was not befitting the situation and I apologize. You have a way about you to make a person feel like a very unique kind of shit and I reacted inappropriately. I understand, now, and I'm still learning. Seriously, thank you.
ReplyDeleteJustin, this is the way of combatwords! A worthy foe is better than a worthy friend--if you read the earliest threads here, you will see that I'm not really anybody's favorite person.
ReplyDeleteLet us wage a war where no blood is spilled. Where we learn to be samurai, fearless in the face of criticism. Let us master our swords. I will take back the chicken comment now as you have proven yourself to be a misanthrope worthy of the title.
Please stay and battle a bit though. Nothing like a little enmity laced with amity to make the pen grow stronger.
Knowing is the wall
ReplyDeletesmacked up blindness
barrier's known, can fall
to ware the same shoeness
to stab the universe
to un-reply to ones abject verse
a suicide poet of meakness
with realization, the weakness
just before the rhyme's last breathe
a spot in the belly a bit on the left
to gouge the killer and words fall deaf
battle not to win but to stay,
in the moment, with the fear
ye only battle, with all it's faces
Knowing is the wall
ReplyDeletesmacked up with blindness.
Barriers can fall,
can ware the same shoeness
and stab the universe.
To unreply to one's verse:
a suicide poet of meekness
With realization, his weakness
just before the rhyme's last breath.
Hit a spot in the belly
a bit on the left--it's jelly,
And gouge at the killer,
the word-spitter-spiller;
not to win but to stay
in the moment, in the fray
of the battle, that races
with time and keeps paces.
Hope you don't mind Angus. I liked the core of the poem, esp with the surprising twist in the end, but it needed editing. I tried to keep your words when possible.
ReplyDeleteCombatwords! is all about oneups(wo)manship. Post it if you've got it.
Respect. Thanks
ReplyDeleteI don't like fray but rhymes better than fear.
"the word-spitter-spiller" that was good. The overall rythym is smoother and the meat is much clearer, if not changed from pork to beef.
Started out ok, then got all mushy at the end. Am I interrupting a bonding moment?
ReplyDeleteThe art of Combatwords! is oneups(wo)manship. Why isn't your mockery conjoined w/ verse Gaboo?
ReplyDeleteHale-Bopp!